'We don't normally do requests here at WKRP, but this is a very strange and weird special occasion . . . .' -- Venus Flytrap

This one's for Vicky. --B.C.

They Came and Trashed My House

To the tune of 'When Lindy Comes to Town'

All was going well for me, I thought last autumn;
A small black-shirted party couldn't be a problem . . .
They made a big todo,
Down the beer hall, it is true,
But I thought they'd just go home
When that falderal was through.

Back at home my wife awaited, unsuspecting,
The baby in her bed required no protecting,
But in a time so brief,
It defies all sane belief,
My cellar lay in ruins
And they broke the sang-de-boeuf.

They came and trashed my house
And I still can't explain it.
Ten minutes in the cellar
Was enough to drain it.
Now my life's gone down the sewer,
With the '82 La Tour;
What Chauvin's vice* has done to me
Is really without cure.

I can't forget the scene
Upon that black, black morning;
The stuff they left intact
Was hardly worthwhile pawning.
With my family and Bordeaux
I wish I'd had the sense to go
Live somewhere else before they trashed my house,
Before those damn black-shirts came and trashed my house.

Every season's worse here if you're a Rothschild;
Oh this could only happen in a world gone wild!
Everybody says,
That the worst's not over yet,
They've still got my address
And I'm caught up in their Net.

Gonna get myself a ticket for a safe asylum;
Hide myself from them on some secluded island,
And till my dying day,
I swear to stay away
From fanatics (well, at least the ones in black shirts anyway).

They came and trashed my house
And I still can't explain it.
Ten minutes in the cellar
Was enough to drain it.
Now my life's gone down the sewer,
With the '82 La Tour;
What Chauvin's vice has done to me
Is really without cure.

I can't forget the scene
Upon that black, black morning;
The stuff they left intact
Was hardly worthwhile pawning.
With my family and Bordeaux
I wish I'd had the sense to go
Live somewhere else before they trashed my house,
Before those damn black-shirts came and trashed my house.

*Chauvin's vice: contrary to popular usage, 'Chauvinism' is technically militant jingoism. Of course, that's not what Al means here. 'Chaffin' is a corruption of 'Chauvin' (Lat. 'Calvinus'='shiney pated' Yep. Nero and I *are* related, couldn't you tell?)

Brian L Chaffin (chaff002@maroon.tc.umn.edu)