Hey Anna,
You, Anna,
Ranked 133,
You've got uninspired lyrics
And a halting melody,
But I can hear
So loud and clear
The soul behind the song,
Won't you chat a bit
With Charlene's big hit
And think over what went wrong . . .

Oh, I've seen Belgravia And Scandinavia,
And heard his step on the stair;
I've held the hand
Of a lover man
Who had pretty golden hair,
But I developed chilblains,
And frost-bit face pains
Because the night blew too free.
I've been to Gothenburg,
But I've never been to sea.

Please Anna,
Please Anna,
Don't just turn to earth,
'Cause I have this urge to tell you
What a pearlless oyster's worth.
Oh, I can see
Your family
Aren't objects of desire,
Ordinary girls
In an unreal world,
Having washroom sex for hire.

Oh, I've held umbrellas,
Danced tarantellas,
Down silver snow-covered streets,
At social functions
Where introductions
Let both my eyebrows meet.
Oh, I've prepared tinned dinners
For billiard winners
That only cleave unto me.
I've been to Gothenburg,
But I've never been to sea.

Hey,
You know what Gothenburg is?
It's the second-largest city of Sweden,
A major seaport and shipbuilding center
Located in the southwest on the Gota Canal.

But you know what truth is? There's another Gothenburg in Nebraska,
Population 2,977,
Chiefly notable for its Pony Express museum,
I don't suppose that's the one Al meant, though.
But, that's Nebraska,
That's truth.

Oh, I've been seen by Venus
And just between us,
The milkman's stealing the cream.
But I think that perchance
It's that we're romance
And don't have sails or steam,
Oh, there's just something goes wrong
When Stewart does songs
Without trains or history . . .
Hey, Anna, I've been to Gothenburg,
But I've never been to sea.

Brian L Chaffin (chaff002@maroon.tc.umn.edu)