Phone rings, in the middle of the night,
Steve Chapman says, 'How you gonna protect your rights?
That Paul McJackson's team is A-Number-One!
And not all lawyers are scum . . .
O-ho not all lawyers are scum . . . '

Wake up, in the morning light,
And Violet says, 'You just gonna lose my birthright?
I need tuition and some dental work done,
And not all lawyers are scum . . .
No, not all lawyers are scum . . . '

But that's all they really are . . . just scum . . .
Oh, when the working day is done,
They golf in the morning sun . . .
Oh aren't all lawyers just scum?

Some lawyers take, incredible fees
For doing no more than entering guilty pleas . . .
*I* wanna be the one to golf in the sun!
Oh aren't all lawyers just scum?
Oh aren't all lawyers just scum?

Seance, held by candlelight,
Ben Franklin says 'Zounds a fool and jackass was right!
Hey Honest Abe, just get a load of this one!
Al, not all lawyers are scum,
No not all lawyers are scum.'

Courtroom, at the start of the fight,
Judge Ito says, 'Al, I gotta tell you your rights,
This self-defense stuff is incredibly dumb,
And not all lawyers are scum,
Just the ones in Courtroom One,
The 17th jury's hung . . .'

Go home, and put out the light,
Kristine says, 'I've got a legal headache tonight,
That Davis-Carroll firm's a principled one . . .
And not all lawyers are scum!
Al, not all lawyers are scum!'

You mean they're really, really not . . . just scum?
Oh, now the legal battle's done
I'd like to tell everyone,
That not all lawyers are scum!
Okay, so not *all* lawyers are scum!

Brian L Chaffin (chaff002@maroon.tc.umn.edu)